Covarr

Andrew Covarrubias is the world's leading expert in whatever I feel like writing or sharing on a given day.

Illateral thinking

Wikipedia defines lateral thinking as “If everyone reading this right now gave $3, our fundraiser would be done within an hour.”

Wikipedia defines lateral thinking as “solving problems through an indirect and creative approach, using reasoning that is not immediately obvious and involving ideas that may not be obtainable by using only traditional step-by-step logic.” That’s interesting enough in and of itself, but I propose an antonym to the term: “illateral thinking”.

“Illateral” is, of course, not a word in any dictionary. But I’m an illateral thinker, so I won’t let that stop me. I’ll define it myself. Since it’s an opposite, I should be able to use Wikipedia’s definition of lateral thinking as a starting point:

  • Illateral thinking is causing problems through an indirect and creative approach, using reasoning that is not reasonable and involving ideas that are clearly not supported by logic.

Illateral thinking isn’t merely a more pretentious way of saying “stupid,” however. It’s specifically an opposite to lateral thinking. Whereas one involves thinking outside the box, so to speak, to achieve results or reach conclusions that couldn’t be reached normally, the other involves thinking outside the box to achieve results or reach conclusions that absolutely shouldn’t be reached. It is the thought equivalent of a bad pun.

Y’see, anybody can be wrong. There’s nothing special in that. There is, however, a certain joy to be found in creatively and intentionally being wrong in a way that nobody else has ever been wrong before. While I wouldn’t recommend this as a primary method of thought, it can be quite good as a form of play, for pranks or self-amusement.

So next time you find yourself with a seemingly-unsolvable problem, give illateral thinking a try. It won’t actually help solve the problem, but at least you’ll be able to revel in the knowledge that in addition to your own failure, you’ve wasted the time of whoever had to listen to you while you were thinking illaterally.

Totally legitimate signs you might be a ’90s kid

Ron Weasley
  • You were a kid during the ’90s.
  • You were born in the late ’80s or early ’90s.
  • You remember things from the ’90s, but not super well because you were young and didn’t have the same frame of reference you do now.
  • You thought ’90s pop music was good.
  • You took a quiz on the internet and it said you are a ’90s kid.
  • All your friends are ’90s kids and you are the same age as them.
  • You were around for most or all of the ’90s and weren’t an adult yet.
  • You think of The Little Mermaid as “one of the original classic Disney movies like Snow White and Cinderella” even though you saw it in the theater. This is also a sign that you might be an idiot.
  • You know the “Oscar Mayer Weiner” song even though you never once saw it on TV because your parents sang it every time they bought hot dogs (even other brands) and they think of course you know it because it’s on TV even though THEY DON’T SHOW THIS COMMERCIAL ANYMORE MOM AND DAD AND THEY HAVEN’T IN MY WHOLE LIFETIME AND COME ON THE SIXTIES ENDED YEARS AGO.
  • You have ever had Mountain Dew, which was introduced in 1940 but is still a ’90s kid thing, apparently.
  • When you think of Will Smith, the first thing you think of is the film Wild Wild West, which was a ’90s film and the epitome of his stardom for that decade and he even did a rap song for it.
  • Your favorite cartoon was Kim Possible.

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